When I was younger I made a really bad decision and the news spread through the little town I lived in like wildfire. One person told another person, who told a group of people and so on. By the time I got home that day…a bunch of people knew. And not only did they know, they started gossiping and adding to the story. In a matter of days, most of the town knew my name, my family, and ultimately the skewed truth…about me.
I could tell you more of that story but the point is, I made a mistake, I felt horrible, and the people talking about it made it worse.
There are only so many times you can hear…things like,
“You’ll never be nothing but a _____”.
“I bet she _____.”
“I heard she_____.”
“She this.” and “She that.”
Until you start to think that…maybe…they could be right. Maybe I would forever be ‘my mistake.’
I was so ashamed.
Isn’t it funny how easily we will believe the worst about ourselves? Believing that because we did something wrong, we deserve to pay for it for the rest of our lives. Or that somehow all we’ll ever be… is our mistakes, our failures, our shortcomings. Whether consciously or subconsciously, we believe that because of what we’ve done we are not good enough and therefore are not worthy of anything good. So, we continue to make bad decisions.
SHAME is ugly y’all! Shame can keep you in bondage. It can keep you from receiving your blessings, from living a full abundant life. Shame can keep you from God’s plan for your life.
During the years that followed, I continued to make bad decisions. No, I was not on a complete mission to self-destruct…well, not completely…I was an honor student, a recognized leader in school by many of my teachers and peers, an athlete, an advocate of people who were being bullied (man, how I wish someone would have stood up for me). I became a college grad and so on. Even though I had many good things going for myself…there was an underlying belief that I never really deserved anything good.
I can’t put my finger on exactly when, why or how…but at some point my eyes opened. Maybe…it was during or after yet another toxic relationship when I realized I was better than what I was doing to myself. It’s like when you keep dating the loser type…and find yourself saying things like…”I deserve better than this!” And then it dawns on you like…Wait, I do deserve better than this! Why do I keep allowing this person to treat me like this? I’m a good person. I’m caring, loving, faithful and loyal…I don’t deserve this! ANDDDD “I’M DOING THIS TO MY OWN SELF!…HOW STUPID!” HA! Yes, I took the blame…because it was ME who allowed this to happen. I believed the lies of the enemy and it was me who had to choose to stop letting it affect my life.
And then BOOM! I realized that I was living in bondage. The bondage of shame! Shame led me to relationships that were not good for me…to people who were not good for me. To situations and behaviors that were not good for me…over and over again.
We all have choices. We can choose to stay chained to our mistakes and live in bondage or we can believe what God says about us, repent and accept a new life. And let me tell you, it wasn’t like I was clueless about God’s Word while all of this was happening. Oh no. I prayed often. I was faithful in my attendance at church…week after week…I sang along, lifted my hands in worship and yelled out my amens. All the while, dragging my ball and chain right there into the Lord’s house and plopped it right down beside me in the pew. In chains, living in shame.
The enemy will do whatever he can to make you feel shame and keep you in shame…to keep you embarrassed so you will stay defeated. When that happens, you can’t fulfil God’s purpose for your life. The enemy doesn’t want you to feel God’s love, receive forgiveness or see yourself the way God sees you…so he keeps telling you the lies that you are not worthy of God because of what you have done. Or maybe it isn’t something you have done…maybe it is just a circumstance that makes you feel ashamed…like your intelligence, the way you look, your financial status or title etc..
Shame has many of us in bondage. Let me say this, when we allow shame to take control…we STAY in bondage. And when we are too embarrassed to talk about it…we run the risk of never being delivered. We need to talk about it! The bible tells us in James 5:16: ‘Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. ‘ That means to be healed we need to confess it.
Trust me when I say that everyone, yes everyone, has something they are not proud of. You are not alone. It is important to know that God doesn’t keep reminding us of the bad that we have done. HE STANDS UP FOR US!! God loves us and wants us and gives us an opportunity to start over. NEW.
This makes me think of The woman who committed adultery.
‘“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, (‘they’ refers to the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees) “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” John 8:4-5,7, 9-11
You see, everyone has some thing. He called out the accusers, the shamers and then said that she has no condemnation. Jesus stood up for her and she was forgiven! She can start a new life…freely!
Sometimes, it is not other people shaming us…it is us. In our minds…we shame and condemn ourselves. That is the trick of the enemy! Kick him out of your mind!
We can overcome shame.
We can overcome shame by learning what God says about us, in his Word. Yes, when those thoughts pop up…start to speak the Word to yourself and over your life and cancel out all of the lies. Yes, speak it! There is power in the things you say! James 3:3-5 & Proverbs 18:21 These are some of the things that I speak when I need to cancel out the lies and remind myself what God says.
I am LOVED! John 3:16
I am FORGIVEN! Ephesians 1:7
I am not my past. I belong to Christ, and I am a new person! 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am a WINNER! I am victorious! Deuteronomy 20:4
I am God’s MASTERPIECE! Ephesians 2:10
I am More Than A Conqueror! Romans 8:37
I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE! Psalms 139:14
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Philippians 4:13
When I am weak, He is strong! He supports me! Isaiah 40:29
I am cared for! Matthew 6:30
God has my back! He is on my side! Psalms 56:9
I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people! 1 Peter 2:9
I am the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath! Deuteronomy 28:13
He pursues me! Matthew 18:12 & Luke 15:4
If you are struggling with shame, you can overcome it! You can be delivered. Speak the Word over your life…and believe what God says about you!
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